Murica Goalie for hire
Murica Goalie looking for Canadian Action- You pay for rental car from Buffalo. Pay me in poutine and kinder eggs. While crossing border into Canada, Canuck customs opens my trunk. Eight Bald Eagles fly out and Proud to be an American plays from loud speakers on bridge. Customs officers find spent bullet casing in trunk and push my car off bridge. Luckily, the team who purchases my service will pay for new set of gear. Take bus to Vancouver 92 hour trip. Show up at rink and realize I forgot to get skates. Only have $6.00 U.S. Go to convenient store and find out the exchange comes out to $85 Canadian angry chicken coins. They sell me used skates they have in beer cooler. They offer me a pound of weed for my American cowboy hat. I tell them HELL NO and they call RCMP on me. They show up on horses. The run the musical ride in the store and kill 3 kids who were to slow to make the track team. Kirk Mclean picks me up in an Uber. Takes me to rink. Said the ride was free. Tip him an American quarter and he starts to tear up. He renounces his Canadian Citizenship and does a 2 pad stack stopping a semi truck from hitting a kid. Play 1 game for the 50 and older league. Even though I am younger they let me play because my American Lawyer was with me. 70 year old guy gets in my crease. I Hextall his left ankle. Snaps like a twig. RCMP called again. Horses rush onto ice. 38 riders and horses taken off ice on stretchers. They go to hospital and have to wait 8 months for treatment. Mounties have to eat horses to survive.
I jump on the Ferry to get back to Murica. Canadian Coast Guard boards the Ferry. Queen of Canada repels down into boat. She asks me to stay and be her official Goalie advisor. I tell her to go pound some sand. RCMP try to get to boat but 48 horses get washed into Tsawwassen-Swartz Bay. I put my gear on and jump into water. Cooper pads weigh 23 pounds and I sink to bottom. Body washes up in Port Hardy. My body is transported to Toronto and displayed in the Hockey Hall of fame. Don Cherry kicks the display case over and lights it on fire. Toronto Mounted Police Show up and Don jumps on a horse and is named King of Oak Island. They dump my body in Money Pit. The rest is history.
Also I am looking for old Cooper or Vic hockey pants or goalie pants (or similar brands). Size large or medium. 70s or 80s. Also would need to ship them to Murica. Also old Chest protectors size large or medium. I wear old school gear on Ice because I am the Ron Hextall of the old men's league. As in retired and just got fired.